Hello, Hannah. In the final analysis it doesn't matter what you believe, all that matters is that you remain true to yourself and to the personal values you espouse as you live out your life. You're young and your life is just beginning. You have the great luxury of time to figure things out and you would be well advised to take advantage of it. The Society demands uniformity of thinking among its adherents and punishes those who allow their thoughts to stray, as yours are doing now. But your thoughts belong to you and to you alone. You need not share them with anyone who would deny you the freedom of your own mind.
Keep thinking, be curious and be careful.